When I Die, Let Death Be Your Freedom

 When I Die, Let Death Be Your Freedom

I have always wondered about death. Not romanticizing death but taking death as a part of a cycle. I recall telling my father I will live till I am 100 years old and would love to jump off a cliff on my 100th and mark it as a successful living. Perhaps a naïve thought but maybe a significance of its own for I was not thinking of it as a death by suicide but rather a life fully lived. Not sure what I was thinking then but what I was very clear even at such a tender age was that my death should not be taken as a religious ritual but a celebration of a fulfilled life. 

When my paternal grandmother passed away, I did not see any ritual apart from 13 days of mourning. When my maternal grandmother passed away, I began to notice Hindu ceremonies. That triggered something within me and I told myself that I would like to write about my death do’s and don’ts! I never did but one thing that struck hard was perhaps that is why my paternal grandfather just left this world without saying goodbye for he never wanted us to go through all those rituals. I will not forgive him for leaving because not knowing what happened to him is more painful. I can see his point but not having that closure is worse than death itself. 

(Please keep the individual assumptions of his death or missing to yourself. Neither you nor I know what happened to him!!)

So, back to my death. When I die, I want the dignity to remain. I want it to be a common humans’ death for I have observed that discrimination, that politics during cremation at Pasupathi, death is numbered. I also want to make sure my family, friends and well-wishers do not suffer. The exhaustion of grief is immense, the loss and that vacuum, so following the rituals is not going to keep me alive rather it is meaningless. Your sacrifice and torture are not my desire rather a pain. It is not my ticket to heaven, if that even exists for to me, this moment, this life is heaven for I can feel the present. 

I have lived a meaningful life. I have loved a lot, disliked a few and hated a little. I seek forgiveness as death has made me slightly humble. I take nothing with me when I die but just that greed of remembrance. 

Let me die in peace for peace to me would be when my family and friends do not have to do the traditional mourning, those dreadful 13 days, no pundits and absolutely no puja and puranas! NO! My child, my partner and any other family members, for that matter not a single human being will do kriya (another human going through rituals for my death is unthinkable to me so please spare me this pain)! All this I forbid with the authority I carry today! 

No restrictions! Eat, wear whatever you want. Who said crying and mourning means just sitting with a sad face in front of my picture. If you want to laugh, by all means go ahead and just laugh for I have always enjoyed a good laughter. My death should be celebrated. Do not make it difficult for no matter what you do or pray or say, I for one is NOT coming back to life. I am dead and I am wherever I need to be, that is the ultimate truth. 

Use the crematorium if that is an option. Do not make the cremation an arduous task for anyone. But I do have one important ask. I do not want anyone taking my clothes off and making it a spectacle. I want my dignity to be maintained even on my death. I refuse to be disrobed by the known or unknown for do not think a dead soul can feel no shame! Do not waste money on “Daan.” This is painful. Plant trees, create scholarships, food drives, elderly homes BUT do not give it as a daan to any person or institutions specially with a religious connotation. Nobody should be doing the 45 days or one-year ritual. Remember me on your own terms excluding the puja and all the “must do” list that comes with instructions. You carry no guilt, remember this!

I am sad to be leaving but what I also know is that I have been loved and it is that love that makes me a better person. I have loved truly too. I have accepted life and its surprises no matter how painful it got at times but I have made sure I celebrate life too. If possible, give me a Yellow Rose and put Peace Lily in the surrounding. My ask could be a lot to some but think deeply for someone who loved life, why would you want to trap her departing matter within the human made boundaries of righteous formalities. Let me be free from the burden of after death formalities. I free you from yours also. 

I am a SINNER maybe but a happy WINNER!! No one should be carrying the burden of my death. Celebrate my life, FULLY!